Andrey Gagarin

хреньМенеджер по оборудованию по профессии. Хобби – русский язык и литература. Лауреат Пушкинского конкурса 2014 года.

Occupation: Equipment Manager
Hobby: Russian language and Russian literature
Awards: Pushkin Contest 2014 winner

Cheerful Refurbishment

an excerpt of the story

The renovation of school, which we had observed throughout the summer from the balcony windows, ended up unexpectedly at our apartment. In contrast to the school’s one, ours went an accelerated pace, since the workers rushed home, to the countryside. Workers, specifically invited from the school, performed the basic refurbishment. Throughout the course of refurbishment they had no place to stay in the town, so they camped out in the fresh air at our balcony. I had a chance to take active part in the job as well. Like all similar occasions, the refurbishment was full of funny of situations, some of them are discussed below in a strictly chronological order.


I fell down from the sofa.

Not that I was in an unstable mental condition… For me it was impossible in principle! I just was in a hurry and rush, as you know, is the cause of disasters. I was in rush because I wanted to help the workers out with a few jobs before leaving for my office.

In the morning, I climbed on the sofa in order just to put a lamp which was supposed to hang in the middle of the room, above the sofa. The sofa, by that time, was already back on its place in the refurbished room.

When the refurbishment started, I had safely removed the lamp. The lamp consisted of several parts, and the process of putting it back was not very difficult but required a certain amount of attention and experience, which I clearly lacked due to the fact that I rarely made any works with lamps. As a result, after I hung the lamp back on its place, I found an extra part of the lamp hands. It was obvious that without this part it was impossible to ensure the safe functioning of the lamp.

So I had to remove and put back the lamp one more time. The second attempt though was not much of a success, because I did not twist the light bulb completely and it did not work. Which meant I had to disassemble the lamp and then assembled it again.

As all this perturbation continued and I was climbing up and down the sofa, my epic fall happened.

Those of you, who had a chance to walk on a sofa, know well that it is not very convenient and is very instable, and you need to make a great effort to keep the balance. This already requires high concentration of attention. However, my attention was fully invested into the manipulations with the lamp! Disregarding the importance of balance, I was walking on the sofa with the lamp in my hands as if it was a firm pavement.

While I was going ahead, everything was going well, but as soon as I took a step back my foot suddenly dived deep and I lost the balance flying upside down into the unknown.

Meanwhile, there was not much room behind me – like a meter or so at the back of the sofa, consequently I flew directly on the newly refurbished wall!

So the options were not many, in fact, only two: either to fall directly on the floor or to hit the floor with an intermediate strike on the wall and maybe even on top the sofa.

Moreover, in both cases it was unclear which parts of my precious body would have to get in contact with obstacles during flight. Here the range of choices was much wider, but at the same time, the choice was more difficult since all the parts of my body were equally dear to me and always accompanied me throughout my previous life. On top of that, I was really sorry about the newly repaired wall.

As a cherry on top, the carpet, which usually lies on the floor, was folded and moved to another room due to the works. So, my landing on the floor was going to be very tough.

In a nutshell, I faced a difficult choice, and if I would have tried to make it logically, I would probably have gone flop, but fortunately, the time did not allow me to go this dubious path, and my subconscious and reflexes had taken all responsibility for the consequences.

In the past, I considered myself to have more in common with the nature and temperament of dogs, because one day when I was a child I played a dog and guarded our house. Surprisingly enough, this time I suddenly discovered my purely catlike instincts.

With an acrobatic leap I nimbly jumped over the back of the sofa, and then, turning in the air, landed on both legs next to the wall. Not only did I not fall on the floor at the same time, but also I did not touch either the sofa or the wall! It was amazing!

At competitions in gymnastics, I would probably have received the highest score for such a leap, but since I was not on the stadium, I only briefly congratulated myself with such a favorable outcome of the flight, and once again climbed on the sofa to hang the lamp back on its place.

When after a few seconds a worker, alarmed hearing the crashing noise, ran into room, he found me on the sofa working with the lamp. To his question about the noise I have answered with joke and finally was done with the lamp.


Unlike the previous incident with the sofa, a table fell on me.

Hard to imagine but it was true. Interestingly enough, the table did not fall down during the transportation from one room to another, although it was connected to transportation… It fell down when the it was in a completely stable state, so one should have worked very hard to make it fall on someone. However, everything is possible if there is too much of desire and lack of comprehension.

It all happened in the morning again, when my actions were taken in parallel with thinking them over, and sometimes, like in this case, even ahead.

The unblessed table stood right in the middle of the living room, which was just about to be repaired. We decided to take table out of the room for its safety, disassembling it, otherwise it would not fit in the door.

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