Я журналист из Кыргызской Республики, проживаю в городе Бишкек. С юных лет пишу стихи, рассказы, песни. Являюсь ответственным секретарём общества дружбы «Кыргызстан-США» Союза кыргызских обществ дружбы и сотрудничества с зарубежными странами. Защитила кандидатскую диссертацию по журналистике. В своих, как литературных, так и публицистических произведениях затрагиваю различные темы социокультурного развития, сотрудничества между государствами, уделяю большое внимание вопросам взаимодействия между ними. Сэмюэл Батлер писал: «Любое человеческое творение, будь то литература, музыка или живопись, — это всегда автопортрет». Так вот, я просто стараюсь, чтобы мои автопортреты не были слишком уж плохими… 🙂
Who are you for me?
“To be born to create, to love,
to win at games is to be born to live in time of peace.
But war teaches us to lose everything and become
what we were not. It all becomes a question of style.”
When will you return? Why haven’t you come yet? Do I want you to come back in my life? I haven’t seen you for over two months. I don’t wish to think about things that happened two months ago, or even two years ago. I want time to take me away for eight years ago.
Yes, I see it. There is a beautiful house and we are all together. Younger sister is hanging colored balls up in a tree on the porch. Mom is fussing over slightly burnt chicken. Dad is calling uncle and his new wife to make them hurry to our celebratory meal. The fact is that they are holding up because their car got stuck when they turned off the macadamized road. Dad is coming down on uncle for playing the fool. You are laughing filming everything on a camera. You are the best for me. I’m happy because you are with me on my birthday and I can invite my friends today…Later a crowd of guests arrived: uncles, aunts and other relatives.
Oh, these wonderful memories… They warm my soul. And what is happening now? You know, recently I wrote a role-playing dialogue in which we (you and me) discuss our life, argue with each other on vital questions, important issues.
I was sitting in my tiny dark room and imagining our conversation. Look, this is what I got.
Main characters: irreconcilable enemies you and me.
Scene – theme park for children.
Children are playing with their parents in the park. I’m walking along the alleys, observing them with tender emotion and musing:
I: What is a wonder! Rest-day, it’s nice to forget about work and just stroll with kids, warm oneself for a while on the sun and relax. This is a true pleasure. That’s fine!
Suddenly, interrupting this narration of mine, heavy wind started blowing, someone knocked me down. I’m at a loss:
I: Hey, are you off your head? Who are you? You should look where you go?!
You: Eh, you don’t know me… It’s me, your implacable friend…
I: You?! It’s impossible, what are you doing here? Why have you appeared?
You: It’s not right to meet old acquaintances in such a negative way, and where is your hospitality?
I: What? And do you dare to reproach me in something? Look, what a wind you have brought with yourself. And now the clouds are gathering over me. What do you need, especially in the park? Children are playing here!
You: Yeah, I decided to visit you, to talk to you. Oh, I see you were able to rise to your feet from the ground after I tipped you over … I respect you for this, but anyway you are here not for long, it’s time for me to rule. And I haven’t call on here for a long time.
I: Don’t dare to settle down here, have you got?!!! It would be better if you disappear at all, you cause just losses, and you grant people only distress …
You: Oh, oh, oh, it may seem like you have done some good things to everyone…See, you pamper people, fuss over them, and what do they give you back?! Nothing. And on the contrary they begin being capricious with no reason, bust up, and in any case they return to me. As the saying goes “as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb”…
I: It’s not true. You are lying. It’s more pleasant to live in chime than rush about, being upset, fear with you.
You: What a naive you are! People don’t need your composure! Nobody in this world is satisfied with those things he has, everybody wants to get more and more territories, money, power, love… We can endlessly go on enlarging this list! And in particular I relieve them when it is necessary to take, take off or stand up for something yours or others.
I: But you are not only one method to solve all the problems. I have many friends who help to examine every case in a legal way. And this is right. Why is it necessary to hurt each other, if it’s possible to compromise, try to come to an agreement?
You: Hmm… However, your rules and rights can support nobody; it’s like to try to help dead man; as we know it is of no use. Hey, why can’t you understand that I’m the most effective way of different discords’ solution, it is called natural selection. Only going through my trials and millstones people get a true value of their lives and everything they have to this moment. And it turns out that I’m the detector of the highest justice and viability of one or another part of the society.
I: These are just empty words! How many victims, broken lives, much blood you leave behind! It shouldn’t be like that! The end can’t justify the means that you use in your work.
You: Ooh, what a tender and delicate fellow you are! It is worth nothing for me to bring you down and ruin you! If I just spread some evil rumour among the broad masses that causes a collision of somebody’s interests, adversarial sides will slay each other after few days. And it’s not mine but their own blame… What can I do if they are ready to tear each other to pieces at their earliest convenience?! That’s life and it’s going like that… I’m more necessary than you. Really, excuse me!
I: You start to play to the gallery … You speak about nothing. See, if we even look at you in your modern state when you are able to be and expand not only on the field of battle in a sense, but contrive and take various forms of informational, strategic, business or criminal battle; You accompanied by at first hypocrisy: if formerly all was fighting to defend their countries and nations, now they protect their own interests, frequently they are selfish. Not to mention that you fill everything you touch with anger, hatred and blood lust. There is so much damage from you both materially and the most important – morally…
You: However, you have reminded me that since olden days people used to solve all disputes struggling against each other. Only I could define all-round champion. He should win one battle, then other one, third one, fourth one, fifth one and it had to be continued as long as he was able to conquer all the tops and enemies. Owing to me mankind have being going to reach progress and prosperity learning by their own experience and mistakes. If the Earth knew only you and there was an absolute idyll, everybody would still live at the Stone Age. I am sure that struggle is a motion and motion is life. Not without reason all great rulers of the universe had come to power using overturns and shedding blood as just blood’s smell tempts leaders to do unexcelled actions that are unforgettable for centuries.
I: I completely disagree with you in this. Yes, history remembers outstanding regents, but it also realizes cruelty and folly of some of them, whose hasty words, behavior and excessive morbid ambitions leaded to the dimensioned military operations and heavy human casualties, occasionally involving whole planet. And consequences of these destructions are irreparable. Absolutely, you are thousand times more terrible and violent than any fierce act of God.